CHARITY-GRACE STORY
Colin & Toni Beasley sweet Charity-Grace
Greetings mothers, it gives me great pleasure to present to you a particularly poignant chapter in this story. Today's date of March 11th imbues this occasion with an even deeper significance as it marks the heavenly birthday of Charity-Grace. Her memory continues to hold a special place in my heart. Despite her brief time with us, she exemplified remarkable strength as an infant, and I am grateful for the cherished moments we shared. I give thanks to the Almighty for her precious life.
This dedication is for a soul that shone as brightly as a beam of light - our second born, Charity-Grace Amari Beasley
My husband and I devoted all our love and attention to the precious time we spent with our dear baby girl. We are grateful for the grace bestowed upon us by God, which helped us navigate this challenging and emotional journey one step at a time. Though it was a difficult experience to endure, we emerged from it stronger and more resilient. Please draw hope, strength, grace, and joy from our experience.
The First week (24weeks)
During the first week in the NICU, the hospital's strict COVID protocols presented challenges, but we adapted and made it work. Despite our baby girl's underdeveloped and imperfectly functioning body systems, her ability to breathe gave us hope. Every day, we made the trip to the hospital twice a day to deliver fresh breast milk and spend time with her. Although I couldn't hold her due to her critical condition, I found solace in holding her hand, singing to her, praying, and simply being present. Despite her immobility, she occasionally moved her little fingers and gently flexed her feet. With her eyes closed and her body kept warm in the Giraffe Warmer, all we could do was lean on our faith and wait, providing comfort to her to the best of our abilities.
The Second week (25weeks)
In the second week, we received a distressing call from the hospital, summoning us to the NICU immediately. Upon arrival, the doctor informed us that our dear Charity-Grace's kidneys had stopped functioning due to her tender age. They delivered the heartbreaking news that she was not expected to survive more than 24 hours, urging us to prepare for the worst. However, as people of faith, my husband and I refused to give up on her that easily. We prayed beside her bed and persisted in our unwavering hope. To our amazement, the next day, she was still fighting, despite her kidney failure, inability to eat, and consequential weight loss. The doctor marveled at her resilience, deeming her a miracle. Despite the odds stacked against her, she continued to hold on, even though she was still struggling with kidney failure and prohibited from eating. The doctor expressed skepticism that she would make it to the third week.
The Third week (26weeks)
As the third week dawned, we noticed a tennis ball-sized bubble growing on our little one's belly. With her age at 26 weeks, kidney failure, and inability to eat, the situation was dire. The doctors were uncertain whether the bubble was due to bowel movement or blood, but because the hospital was not equipped to perform such procedures, we were left with a difficult decision. We received numerous calls urging us to make a choice between two options: sending her to Scottish Rite Children Hospital for a delicate surgery to drain the bubble or waiting to see how the situation developed. The thought of making a decision that could worsen her condition was agonizing. We had a less than a week to decide.
The Fourth week (27weeks)
Despite the setback with the bubble on her belly, Charity-Grace's kidney had started functioning again. However, the doctors were cautious about rushing her feeding process and instead opted to give her vitamin liquid through tubes. We were called to a meeting room for more news, which unfortunately turned out to be unsettling. The doctors had discovered that Charity-Grace had Intraventricular hemorrhage, which meant that her brain was bleeding. She was at high risk and the doctors informed the us that she may end up being wheelchair-bound, unable to walk, talk, and might be fed through a tube, with limitations in her daily life. At 27 weeks, Charity-Grace was already on oxygen, a feeding tube, and an IV, which was a lot for her tiny body to handle. This news was a devastating blow to us, but we held on to our faith and hope. We refused to give up on her and believed for her miracle. We decided to transfer her to a children's hospital for better chances since her previous doctor had lost hope. They could not see pass the medical reality but they showed professionalism and care, and the we appreciated their gentle delivery of the news.
The Fifth week (28weeks)
In the fifth week of Charity-Grace's journey, she safely arrived at Scottish Rite via helicopter. After checking in and settling in at the Children's Hospital, we were introduced to the new NICU team. The doctor explained the procedure and the we eagerly awaited the news on our baby girl's condition. Just 45 minutes later, we were called to see her and were relieved to find that the bubble on her belly had disappeared like it was never there. It turned out to be a bowel movement and her health was improving significantly. With smiles on our faces, we continued to make daily visits to the NICU and enjoyed precious moments with our sweet Charity-Grace. We looked forward to the opportunity to finally hold her and begin their skin-to-skin bonding time. As we watched Charity-Grace grow stronger each day, we felt a sense of hope and positivity for her future like never before.
The Sixth week (29weeks)
Please be advised that the following description contains details about the physical condition.
I noticed that Charity-Grace's numbers were looking off, her skin was darkening, and she was bloating. The nurse stated that most babies get sick after surgery at such a young age and that we could only hope things would turn around. The next day came, and she was even bigger than the day before. It was so bad that they had to put her on a mechanical ventilator for breathing support. I was encouraged to pull the plug and let her be at peace, but I did not have the strength to do such a thing. I was still holding onto hope.
On the unexpected final day, I went in to start on her Beads of Courage. As I prayed and started heading out, I noticed the machine was going crazy, and the team rushed in to perform CPR once again. It was my first time seeing CPR being performed on a baby. I was so shocked and hurt because it did not occur to me that her chest would be completely bruised with a dent from the multiple CPR sessions performed on her that week. Also, her left arm was ripping apart; it was an unbearable sight. Thirteen hospital employees came into Charity-Grace's unit space and started working on her. I turned away and fell to my knees in the middle of the room, just hoping for a devine turn around. The doctor walked up to me and told me they were getting ready to give her to me so I could hold her while she took her last breath. That alone was a blessing, but in that moment, I could not accept it, but eventually, I did.
My husband, my two-year-old, and I were sent into a nice room to spend time with Charity-Grace as she departed to Heaven. My husband held her until she left us. It was painful, beautiful, and unbelievable. The Charity-Grace team took her, cleaned her up, removed all the plugs, and put her in a beautiful off-white dress with matching hat, socks, and gloves. They also printed her hand and feet. We prayed, spent hours with her, and had to leave her for good, forever. That was our goodbye for now.
The doctor informed us that Charity-Grace had a drug dosage exceeding that which an adult can tolerate. Despite this, she persevered and became a true fighter in my eyes. At that instant, I felt trapped and unable to comprehend the situation's purpose. I struggled with self-blame, self-doubt, depression, and a sense of hopelessness. However, I am grateful that my husband and I emerged from this experience enlightened and empowered by the Word of God.
If you are a parent who has experienced or is currently going through the loss of a child, please know that you are not alone. It is okay to feel a wide range of emotions, from anger to sadness to confusion. Grieving is a process, and there is no timeline for how long it should take. Take the time you need to heal and seek support from friends, family, or a professional if needed. Remember that you are loved and that there is hope for healing and finding joy in life again.
KNOW THIS: God promises to be our source of strength during our moments of weakness. Even when all hope seems lost, we can rely on the firm foundation of The Solid Rock (Jesus). When darkness surrounds us, we can find comfort and illumination in the Light. Though these may not be the words a parent desires to hear in such a moment, Life ultimately triumphs.
BEAUTY ALWAYS COME FROM ASHES!
Love,
Charity-Grace Mother
